bustardblog

Yellow Cheddar, Yellow Derbyshire.

With that smidgen of self-deprecating  humor that he hopes will transform him from pedant toad into charming curmudgeon, John Derbyshire, writes in the latest National Review of the difficulties of life on suburban Long Island. Were you to read it, you'd understand the significant sacrifices that the 101st Keyboarders make for us. Huntington or Basra? They're both damned scary.

It seems poor Mr Derbyshire has to paint his garage. Even worse -  the evil environmentalists want him to properly dispose of the chips of lead paint after  he removes them. 'The Derb' knows that calling lead dangerous is just liberal hysteria, and would happily feed it to his two children, but he is afraid of the New York Secret Police - they're not that different from Sadaam's Security Forces, after all. He then runs into the problem of actually painting the thing.

Operating in the free market seems to make this problematic - his choice is between hiring people he can afford (who won't speak English and who will do a terrible job while they play "Death Metal at you from the radio in a dilapidated, salacious-decal-festooned truck"), and a nice company, one which is way over his budget. Because he is a true conservative, not a Bush neo-con, he wants to stay under budget, while still not having a person of color on his land. (1/4 Acre) He thus comes to the conclusion that he must do it himself.

Then the temperature rears its ugly head - after all; the average daytime temp in Huntington last month was 52 degrees. Far too cold for 'The Derb.'  "I am not short of advice here, only of will, and of tolerance for outdoor work in midwinter."

Last year, I asked you to send additional armor to protect our soldiers in Iraq  This  year, please send 'The Derb' some warm socks. Please. He just can't tolerate it.

James Brown would undoubtedly have left 'The Derb' his cape, had he only understood.

Heros

This week, there are a lot of people deserving of thanks. Our greatest gratitude goes to our Vets.

And we're also really grateful to all those who voted and worked for change this week.

But we also have to thank a group whose brilliant analytical skills, willingness to sacrifice, and deep patriotism have done so much for our nation. I for one don't thank them enough.

We must not forget, and we must make sure the media remains focused on this small band of truth-tellers, people who are smart enough to note that:

• What we saw this week was "the death throes of a dying party" The Democratic Party. "So however you cut it, this midterm proves that the Iraq war is at least more popular than Bill Clinton was. (Ann Coulter)
• "But the ideologues aren't to blame. The Republicans are." (Jonah Goldberg, before taking his youngster for a stroll in the park, something a lot of actual soldiers in Iraq would love to be doing as well.)
• "The United States did not reject the agenda of the right tonight...The GOP failed to dupe the American public into a liberal agenda." (the ever-prescient Redstate)
• What the right really requires: "If we're gonna win, we need more Santorum." (The Corner's Any McCarthy)
• Referring to Democrats: "They're in real trouble in '08." (Tom Delay to Alan Colmes on Hannity and Colmes)
• "The GOP lost. Conservatism prevailed." (The incomparable, Miss Michelle Malkin)

As good Americans, we must not let the focus shift from such talent and honesty as those listed above.

101st Keyboarders

Please double click to enlarge.

Fourth in a four part series.

Why the Republican Meltdown, you ask?  What happened to the political genius of Karl Rove? How has the Republican Party, seemingly so organized and on message, become so dysfunctional?

This bag, with the three previously posted, tells the story of the once omnipotent 10st keyboarders, typing away in their basements. As the Captain recently explained, their only guns are their keyboards, their only rations are Cheetos. It's not the price of gas that has their underwear in a bunch. Nor is it fear of Fitzgerald that is flummoxing the Rover.

It's the price of Cheetos. Wesley Clark loves them. The General "loves Cheetos so much that his aides wonder why he has not turned orange.". When Conan O'Brian saw a film that showing George Bush "munching Cheetos", O'Brian said "I like him better already." Jonah Goldberg lives on them. An empty bag of them, removed from a trash can after Alan Dershowitz threw it there, has been displayed in art museums. US Weekly featured a spread of Britney Spears which they entitled "Trashtastic" that "showed her munching Cheetos."

So what is a Cheeto? It's an extruded snack, and although the name may make you think cheese is an integral component, it is not required.  Frito-Lay doesn't include any cheese in Cheetos sold in Asia; saying that "the ingredients that make a cheeto a cheeto are the crunch, the shape and the fun."  In order to produce a healthier Cheeto, without sacrificing the crunch, researchers are developing technology that create an "invisible fiber" which doesn't "soak up water from the product." In reviewing cheese puffs, the New York Times critic raved that "Crunchy Cheetos" "outranked" all others as it "delivered superior crunch, a good cheese flavor and a creamy, fat unctuosity."

Is there any doubt that a skyrocketing price of these wonders would discombobulate the creamy, unctuous Karl Rove?  In it's June 1, 2003 edition the "Snack Food & Wholesale Baker Report" stated that an 11 ounce bag retailed at $2.29, or about $0.21/Oz.On April 29 I posted a bag priced at $0.25 cents, that  had a "sell by"  date of May of 2004. It had 1-1/8 ounces of Cheetos, which means the price was $0.22 per ounce. My post of April 30 showed a fifty cent bag that expired in August of '04 and held 2-1/8 ounces for a price of about $0.235/oz. Yesterday's post explains the horribly inept response by this administration to Katrina - the virtual 25% increase in the price of the staple of the conservative movement. The $0.99 cent bag (sell By July 27 '05) held 3-1/4 oz, for a cost of $0.305/Oz. A few week ago I bought the bag displayed above. Of course Bush's numbers continue their downward spiral.  Cheetos continues its upward spiral in price. Two ounces of this Manna from Heaven is $0.75, or a price of $0.375 per ounce: An increase of 80 Per Cent in just under three, short, years,

So, please, pity Karl Rove.  Pity especially the 101st chickenhawks, for while real soldiers serving in Iraq are paid by the government, the vast majority of those serving in their basements, dodging military service instead of bullets, pushing keys instead of pulling triggers, receive no recompense for their sacrifice.

Update: Links to previous parts of the series, showing tshocking prices:   I,   II,  III