Fourth in a four part series.
Why the Republican Meltdown, you ask? What happened to the political genius of Karl Rove? How has the Republican Party, seemingly so organized and on message, become so dysfunctional?
This bag, with the three previously posted, tells the story of the once omnipotent 10st keyboarders, typing away in their basements. As the Captain recently explained, their only guns are their keyboards, their only rations are Cheetos. It's not the price of gas that has their underwear in a bunch. Nor is it fear of Fitzgerald that is flummoxing the Rover.
It's the price of Cheetos. Wesley Clark loves them. The General "loves Cheetos so much that his aides wonder why he has not turned orange.". When Conan O'Brian saw a film that showing George Bush "munching Cheetos", O'Brian said "I like him better already." Jonah Goldberg lives on them. An empty bag of them, removed from a trash can after Alan Dershowitz threw it there, has been displayed in art museums. US Weekly featured a spread of Britney Spears which they entitled "Trashtastic" that "showed her munching Cheetos."
So what is a Cheeto? It's an extruded snack, and although the name may make you think cheese is an integral component, it is not required. Frito-Lay doesn't include any cheese in Cheetos sold in Asia; saying that "the ingredients that make a cheeto a cheeto are the crunch, the shape and the fun." In order to produce a healthier Cheeto, without sacrificing the crunch, researchers are developing technology that create an "invisible fiber" which doesn't "soak up water from the product." In reviewing cheese puffs, the New York Times critic raved that "Crunchy Cheetos" "outranked" all others as it "delivered superior crunch, a good cheese flavor and a creamy, fat unctuosity."
Is there any doubt that a skyrocketing price of these wonders would discombobulate the creamy, unctuous Karl Rove? In it's June 1, 2003 edition the "Snack Food & Wholesale Baker Report" stated that an 11 ounce bag retailed at $2.29, or about $0.21/Oz.On April 29 I posted a bag priced at $0.25 cents, that had a "sell by" date of May of 2004. It had 1-1/8 ounces of Cheetos, which means the price was $0.22 per ounce. My post of April 30 showed a fifty cent bag that expired in August of '04 and held 2-1/8 ounces for a price of about $0.235/oz. Yesterday's post explains the horribly inept response by this administration to Katrina - the virtual 25% increase in the price of the staple of the conservative movement. The $0.99 cent bag (sell By July 27 '05) held 3-1/4 oz, for a cost of $0.305/Oz. A few week ago I bought the bag displayed above. Of course Bush's numbers continue their downward spiral. Cheetos continues its upward spiral in price. Two ounces of this Manna from Heaven is $0.75, or a price of $0.375 per ounce: An increase of 80 Per Cent in just under three, short, years,
So, please, pity Karl Rove. Pity especially the 101st chickenhawks, for while real soldiers serving in Iraq are paid by the government, the vast majority of those serving in their basements, dodging military service instead of bullets, pushing keys instead of pulling triggers, receive no recompense for their sacrifice.